Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
