I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
