ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
