I'm going to jail i love you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
