Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We need to rekindle our bromance
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
