If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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