Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
