apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
