Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
im on a boat
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