I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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