it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
