she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone came in the potted fern
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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