I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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