Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
