I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
