I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
