New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
