I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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