if you like me you must not know who I am
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
