Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
