I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
