WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
