if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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