I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
