sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
