Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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