Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
