I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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