That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
