Please, let me fuck your mom
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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