I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
