dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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