I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
