i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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