All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Farmville is her only friend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
