I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
