Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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