Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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