Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
