Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
