I puked a lego.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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