Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
