so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
