sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
