I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
