It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
