no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
