im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
