Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
