i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
