i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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