The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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