he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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