The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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