I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
