All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
