I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
