btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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