when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize