Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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