my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
