I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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