For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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