I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
