does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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