Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
