Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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