this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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