I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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