There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
