how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
