So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
