Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
