Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
