she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
