So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
