you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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